I want to believe in love

2017 has been a difficult year for me emotionally. Thankfully my physical health is better then it has been in a long time. Some of the unfortunate events that have taken place are at fault to no one but myself.  Unfortunately friendships end even when you think its strong enough to pull threw just about anything instead it ends because of a reaction blown out of proportion. I blame myself for my emotional explosions and over reactions but then again should a friend really make you feel like it's your fault when questioning something which concerns you.  I have gone through and continue to go through a lot of changes because I faced the ugliness that brought me to this nightmare. I will always attempt to reconcile with loved ones but when is enough, enough? Love is not always enough I used to think so, how naiive. Maybe you find out the person was never open to being friends all along but put the act up as if they were until convenience became an issue due to life changes....

If you know me, you know that I am a passionate person and sometimes that comes with being over zealous and to some this appears like I am an over reactor and dramatic about things I have a lot of care for. I can't say that this is wrong, If I have something to say or something that has been bothering me I have always confronted the elephant even if it causes a little discomfort. The fact is that minor discomfort is easier then holding it in just to have something unrelated cause you to "Blow up". I have learned what others perceive of me at times was a rude awakening especially as you watch them turn their back on you or give up on you because of your struggle. Sometimes relatiobships have to breathe and it leaves you to find your new place in that person's life. You may try everything to remember how to be yourself again towards eachother when that self is actually what brought you together and led to the point of deterioration. When I have a lot to say I like to ...